My last entry was very deep and caused me to search both physically [books/literature] and emotionally within myself for the answer for 'why bad things happen to good people' and how I can ‘justify’ my faith within that framework? The book I borrowed from the library with that very title is inspiring and tells the moving experience of the author who, as a Rabbi and a father, has to deal with the premature death of his son Aaron from Progeria. He wrote the book partly for himself but mainly to help other people who suffer/ed from injustice through illness, misfortune, bereavement etc. but who still want to believe in God’s goodness and fairness. Interestingly he has written a passage that is very similar to the thoughts I put in my last posting….
“This had to be a book that would affirm life. It would have to say that no one ever promised us [Christians??] a life free from pain and disappointment. The most anyone promised us was that we would not be alone in our pain, and that we would be able to draw upon a source outside ourselves for the strength and courage we would need to survive life’s tragedies and life’s unfairness”
…..he puts it so much better than I did.
He also talks about our feelings of outrage, injustice and oppression – are these not from God?? Did He not plant a little of himself in all of us?? Just as those feelings of compassion, strength of character, unselfishness, courage, sympathy for others, are these also not from Him? I wonder if when someone dies prematurely like Suzanne’s son ‘S’ how much goodness/kindness could be found within his life and death if we actually listed it all down? How many people did he bless in his short life? How many people stepped up to comfort Suzanne and her family in those first painful days? How many small acts of kindness were born from their loss and how many lives were transformed by it? How many mothers went home and hugged their sons and gave thanks for their life on hearing of ‘S’s death?? Who knows but it’s worth considering isn’t it??
Our Rabbi concludes his book with these words……paraphrased by me……
“Are you capable of forgiving, accepting and loving a less than perfect world, the people around you who have hurt you and let you down, a God who disappointed you by allowing bad luck, sickness and cruelty in His world, and permitting some of those things to happen to you. Can you learn to love and forgive Him despite His limitations, as Job does...........if you can do these things, will you be able to recognise that the ability to forgive and the ability to love are the weapons [tools] God has given us to enable us to live fully, bravely, and meaningfully in this less-than-perfect world?”
both excerpts taken from "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harold Kushner
Moving on…. I finally gave in as it were to my calling to Catholicism and made an appointment to see Fr James. My word, I was so nervous. I’ve read the books I’d borrowed from the library and the more I’ve learnt the greater my ‘need’ has become. It’s like a ‘coming home’! I think I’ve fought against this for such a long time on an almost subconscious level and it’s such a relief to admit that it’s something worth pursuing. Fr James was lovely [great sense of humour] – all I’d hoped and prayed for, very dignified but at the same time he just made everything alright in the space of an hour or so. He said he felt privileged to help me on what was obviously a profound journey into faith and agreed that further discernment was called for. He said he'd be happy to welcome me into the Catholic faith and he’s invited me to a course starting mid September at Christ the King ecumenical church which is exactly for people like me, who are interested in the Catholic faith but are a step ahead of say the Alpha course. Apparently there'll be some Anglican's on the course too who are just up for finding out more about the faith generally. I’m quite excited but finally it feels right. I shall also attend mass this Sunday [all being well] which will be lovely. So much of my journey has pointed to this end but as God knows sometimes He has to shout very loud to get my attention and as always His timing is perfect. I feel divinely nagged!!
I’m still studying Job which on the back of what I’ve been talking about here today is still very relevant. It’s not an easy book to read but I have study notes to help. Job is being ‘comforted’ by his less than competent friends who just feel he should fess up as he’s obviously sinned in some great way that he’s not admitting to or repenting about. More to come…….
Just to tie this all together I'm going to share a pertinent verse from one of my favourite worship songs, for me these are the words I cling to in my times of doubt and fear: -
No guilt in life no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
taken from 'In Christ Alone' - Townend & Getty
Pax 
Sharon xx